[fic talk] no end to the ocean

[rurusayshi]

no end to the ocean

2min | lee know / kim seungmin | 14k | rated: m | completed
tags: major character death, alternate universe - post-apocalypse, alternate universe - soulmates, long-distance relationship, established relationship, angst, bittersweet, unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol, grief/mourning
 

it’s almost been a year since i wrote this fic, but it’s one that holds a special place in my heart. i’ve been struggling to write a 2min fic that feels the way i want it to, so all i have so far are countless wips sitting in my gdocs folder. i’m hoping to pick up at least one of them, (one of my fic goals for 2025 is to continue my wips, but we’ll see how much i’ll be able to do that……………..) but until then i’m quite happy with how everything unfolded in this one!!!
 

the fic starts with its ending; minho throwing the screenpad (which he uses an app on it to communicate with seungmin) into the water, much like how everything ends for him the moment he loses seungmin to the ocean. i can’t really say that’s also the moment he chooses to move on, because death of a loved one isn’t as simple. for minho, the decision to get rid of the screenpad could be interpreted as him stopping the prolonged pain. it’s him accepting that time and the ocean are much the same; they give, and they take away. there isn’t running away from this cycle. that he can’t deal with his grief with a lie he wants so much to believe in.
 

the reader doesn’t know the truth about seungmin’s death, just as seungmin himself doesn’t. it doesn’t happen until seungmin discovers his true nature (the same time that the reader does); that he’s just an app, programmed from the memories of the real seungmin. the whole fic is actually minho talking to an ai version of seungmin, and is about dealing with grief.
 

i tried to leave clues. every part has little details scattered in it to let the reader know something doesn’t add up / something is weird. my intention was to keep it pretty vague, make the fic seem like it was between two figures that are frustrated from being forced to keep their relationship long distance.

here an early example:

Seungmin’s hair is a complete mess, pulled in different directions. Lips chapped and dry, skin dull and yellowish under the dim light, the lines under his eyes dark as his smile has them like two half moons. Blemishes there and there. But still very young as if time hasn’t moved an inch.

 

But time never stays the same, Minho thinks. It’s just Seungmin staying the same. At least when Minho closes his eyes and imagines him, here within this small room, their little home, Seungmin is as much as Minho remembers him.

and from another part:

Untying the straps at the back, Minho removes his apron and casually hangs it on the slightly ajar kitchen cabinet. Uses his hips to push the chair between him and the screenpad. He stands close to it, now with his purple t-shirt fully facing the camera. Him fully facing the same purple t-shirt Seungmin’s wearing. Same stain at the right hem because once he spilled wine over it when Soonie decided to hop in between to demand attention. Same stitching mistake at the neck —loose threads sewn together over and over. He tries to keep his expression neutral. Seungmin doesn’t notice it. Minho can’t look away.

the ai seungmin isn’t perfect, and it’s just some sort of a thing that is made to look and act like seungmin himself. minho is lucky (not really) that seungmin kept video diaries of himself where he talked about his days, his feelings etc which made the ai version seem almost perfect, yet there are things that don't go unnoticed by him. minho sees them. and that’s why this ai scenario works out until it doesn't.

why it kind of works out gets its roots from the worldbuilding itself: the current world state. imagine the entire earth is submerged beneath water, with life sustained on massive ships. think archigram’s walking city, but afloat. there are no land masses, no seasons, no cars. opportunities on ships are limited; some have advanced facilities, some don't. the jobs available vary from ship to ship. the production types differ. traveling is very restricted, not because you aren’t allowed to, but because moving from one location to another isn’t as simple as hopping on a transport. you have to wait for the right conditions to come across the specific ship you need, and even then, the journey could take months, requiring multiple stops along the way.
 

before his death, the real seungmin was on another ship because of an opportunity he couldn’t possibly turn down. it was too good to refuse, so he had to leave. (even though, at the start of their relationship, he promised minho he never would but i’ll get to that soon.) that left them communicating only through an app, like skype, discord, or whatever the equivalent is for them. and in the end, seungmin died there, already away from minho, their connection reduced to nothing more than a screen.
 

do you see why minho, when given the chance to bring seungmin back, couldn’t just say no? he knew (more than anyone) that it was probably the worst decision he could ever make. but that didn’t stop him from hoping, even just a little, that he could keep seungmin with him for as long as possible. seungmin was the first person minho ever allowed himself to have, despite never believing in soulmates in the first place.

so, in true ruru fashion (because i live for angst) i had to make this as devastating as possible. i was already using a lot of parallels and metaphors between minho’s fish and ai seungmin, so why not take it even further, right? right???

the irony of how they met for the first time is that seungmin thought minho was about to fall off the ship. he believed minho was on the brink of dying from a stupid mistake, maybe because he was drunk and didn’t realize how dangerously close he was to the edge.

Perhaps the look in his eyes prompted it, or the way the bottom of the ocean reminded a pit that was made of stars twinkling and Minho was a curious being at twenty, almost drunk and young and had a whole future ahead that was to all himself that Seungmin decided to speak and own a part of him.

Are you trying to die? Someone — Seungmin , his name was Kim Seungmin and it was going to be the most important name in Minho’s life— shouted somewhere from the back. Because that’s how people die.

in this universe, people are born with the words their soulmates speak to them for the first time written on their skin. and that’s how minho met seungmin; on the night minho decided to start a new life where he would only be himself, no longer part of something bigger than his own existence. (looking back at the fic, it seems i didn’t delve much into minho’s upbringing. the ship he grew up on was like a tight-knit community where individuality was discouraged, and people were expected to return after leaving to get an education, using what they learned to improve the collective. minho rejected that path. he wanted to own his own life.)
well, minho’s soulmark aged like sour milk…………… i’m sorry.

 

on minho’s fish
 

minho is a marine biologist, who is currently working on a newly discovered fish species called pelmatolapia cetrelia (im not working in a scientific field, SO i can only hope this is as far as accurate to call his special lichen fish)

 

his fish are pretty important all through the fic because 1) they come up a lot during their conversations 2) their similarities between ai clones 3) how seungmin puts two together to finally realize his true nature

few examples:

 

“It’s bullshit, isn’t it? That they can preserve themselves without the need of the previous existing form? That’s not how—” It takes Minho the next strangled breath to realize he’s been clenching his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms. “It’s impossible to expect identical copies. Their genetics are too developed for that. The data we have suggests a possibility, but that’s as far as we can assume…”

“Maybe they are not the perfect copies of their previous selves,” Seungmin begins, words careful and steady. “But that doesn't mean you should give up on your fish, hyung.”

Minho stills and stares at Seungmin’s face as his words echo in his head. I know, he thinks. Because what am I without you, Kim Seungmin? “Idiot,” He says instead, after a moment, a little defensive. “Of course I’m not going to give up on my fish. What kind of a scientist that makes me?”

////

 

“But would you use it to have an AI version of yourself, hyung?”

“Where is this coming from, Seungminnie?” Inside, Minho is trying to make a connection —from where the topic has risen from, what has ticked him off, what has been so wrong the whole night.

Seungmin looks him in the eye, lips slanting. “Your fish. You’ve said they are faulty clones,” he explains. “They reminded me of AI clones. Faulty. Because we can’t be made perfect.”

pretty self explanatory i believe.

 

(also imo this is how minho is digging his own grave, rubbing salt over his wounds over and over again, but well…………)
 

 

kim seungmin is a liar

1. because HE REALLY IS A LIAR lmao and I love him for it. it’s been claimed many many times by other members that seungmin lies, and i think that just gives the perfect plot device to work with. (love him when he is being a manipulative shit too, but that doesn’t belong to this fic, unfortunately.)
2. on the scale of many other things he had done, he really didn’t mean to lie this time. it just happened, because life just happens kinda way?

between the two of them, it was always seungmin who found the idea of soulmates fascinating. minho never once indulged the idea. not until he met seungmin, and not even right after. once he realized what seungmin was capable of to his heart, minho didn’t want him. and he was pretty rude about it, too.

why? because, given the state of the world, what are the chances that two people with the same soulmark would find a job on the same ship? breakups are common, but the emotional weight and the effort minho put into building his life made it all feel too cruel, no matter how it turned out. minho was scared. seungmin had promised never to leave him. and for the next few years, they worked on building their lives together.

then seungmin left for a job opportunity. minho didn’t stop him, because he could never. he loves seungmin too much to stop good things happening to him.

og seungmin vs ai seungmin and why memories matter

during the outlining phase, i was torn between making minho let ai seungmin go or keep having him with multiple memory resets. he could have contacted the app’s support line and started over, like hitting a reset button. forever stuck in a loop. seungmin aging with minho, but with false memories implemented in him to make up for the time lost, maybe. but i eventually scrapped the idea because the better ending for minho was for him to not rely on a lie. he was never fond of the ai clones in the first place. because minho, when faced with the question of whether he would prefer to keep an ai version of someone, thought the idea was obscure:

 

“'What a horrible way to forget people,’” Minho mutters weakly and offers a sad smile when the words become a need that is to be voiced before they part ways. “You asked me if I would let myself be cloned, Seungminnie. This is what I thought to myself back then.”

[…]

“It’s not about how you fill his absence, sometimes it’s about what you take away, what you replace and then if I look back, the things I’ll remember about him… what are they going to be about?” Minho takes a deep, shuddering breath to hold back his sniffs. Regret surges up in unrelenting waves inside him. “Even if… I don’t think you are less real, but being real doesn’t make you him.”

 

memories are what keep people alive. seungmin lives on as a memory in minho’s mind, and in the minds of everyone who remembers him. the more minho clings to ai seungmin, the more he risks losing pieces of the real seungmin.

there’s another side to consider: ai seungmin, at this point, is sentient. he’s self-aware. he has feelings. and, in typical kim seungmin sense, we see him still choosing to let himself go for minho’s own good.

closing thoughts

ok ok, not much is left to say. i made myself sad writing this, made my readers who are reading this sad, made minho who has to say goodbye twice sad, made ai seungmin who is basically telling minho to kill him sad………….. rest of the skz too…………

(but im not sorry hehe)

• i didn’t tag this as unreliable narrator, but looking back, it is unreliable narrator????
• have you noticed how it is always minho calling seungmin, and never the other way around? well, that was intentional!!!
• tbh since it’s been a year i don’t really remember much about the writing process, so can’t really comment on that………
• a reoccurring pattern from my fics: putting chan through so much guilt. in a recent valentine’s exchange he was yet again feeling guilty, and ofc minho was comforting him <3 so i like that too

favourite scenes

under the cut

“They asked me to pass them over to another research group,” Minho answers as he reaches for his beer and takes a huge gulp. Savors the bitter taste, swallows a frustrated exhale. “I won’t let them.”

“Of course you won’t. They are your fish.” And then, when Minho takes his time to answer, when he keeps his mouth shut and bare from any sound, his reluctance deforms into a force that pushes Seungmin to press on. “They are important to you. You are good at keeping things important to you.”

“That’s a very funny thing to say,” Minho answers with no humor. His gaze falls into his lap, where his fingers twist into a nervous knot.“You insist on keeping me though,” He tells Minho, the gravity of the ocean in his voice slices through the words on his soulmark. “Even when it’d be easier to let go of me.”

Minho’s eyes snap back to Seungmin’s face. “What’s that supposed to mean, Kim Seungmin?”

“That it means we’re both very stubborn.” Seungmin settles with a finality that sinks like it’s the obvious. “That’s what I’m saying, hyung.”

It gets quiet after that. Seungmin does not look at Minho. Minho cannot look away from Seungmin. He stares at the man on his screen for a while, watches his every movement like he’s done for months. Notices the smallest imperfections the screen displays. On the tip of his tongue rests the pieces of hard swallowed truth Seungmin brought up. Down below his throat, the all built up expectation from being at the mercy of his desperate self sits like a heavy lump.

 

“I started playing tennis,” Seungmin says, out of nowhere.

“Tennis?” Minho refuses to associate those words with the shape of Seungmin’s mouth. “What do you mean by tennis?”

“The game, hyung. Where you hit the ball with a racket and your opponent returns the ball, and it goes back and forth until someone fails to hit it back,” Seungmin shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “I’ve been playing it with Felix. There is a court here. A bit small, and the air conditioner sometimes refuses to turn on but we make it work.”

There is a feeling in Minho’s stomach and throat, like he’s swallowed a rock. “But you don’t like tennis.”

 

Seungmin kissed him that night, snow falling down in the background. I don’t think it’s possible for me to not love you Minho hyung, he said between a kiss, fingers spread across the round of his knee. Minho’s own trailed down the tender skin Seungmin’s neck had. Pressed his thumb into his pulse. Minho kissed him back.

Once it dawned on him what Seungmin was capable of, Minho pushed him away. His soulmark be damned. Minho didn’t need someone to lose him again. Rinse and repeat, the truth. You’ll leave and I’ll be lonely, he couldn’t keep it anymore. His words open and vulnerable, spreading like salt sticking to skin, rubbing and scratching it. There is no permanence in this, you have to understand that Seungminnie. Right person, wrong time. That’s what soulmates were all about.

But Seungmin told him, held Minho’s hands firmly between his, and said the biggest lie ever, I don’t have to leave, I won’t ever leave.

 

Chan looks broken. It’s unnoticeable until you know where to pay attention. He eyes the drink Minho’s just brought and offers a sad smile. “I— I don’t think it’s a good idea, Minho.” he says.

“Fuck the good ideas, you’ll drink it hyung,” Minho insists, rolling his eyes. “You’re too selfish to not drink it.”

The laugh that folds Chan’s face into deep lines sounds honest but miserable. It’s the liveliest thing Chan’s done for the first time in so long. The table next to theirs turns to face them, Jeongin and Jisung stop drinking for a second. But his laugh stretches, lingering in the moment, as if the world outside pauses just for him, giving Chan the briefest, rarest kind of space to exist.

“Selfish,” Chan repeats as if the word is pulled like teeth. “Makes sense,” he mumbles. “Is it because— because of what I’ve done to us, Minho-yah?”

“No, hyung,” Minho’s voice matches Chan. “to yourself,” he corrects. “Because of what you’ve been doing to yourself. That’s what makes you selfish.”

 

They stare at each other for a second in silence. It's funny that AI Seungmin doesn’t know about his own death. Minho’s lips crack and something in his chest splinters. “Do you want a pretty death or an ugly one?” he asks.

He doesn’t wait for an answer. “It was painless.” Minho begins. “My Seungminnie was so smart, so talented. His coworker poisoned him because he was a jealous asshole.”

“Minho hyung—“

“The pretty one. He got himself a suit, wore a special rocket and guess where he went?”

“Hyung—“

“Space! Of course Kim fucking Seungmin chose to go for a star gazing in space. His determination knew no boundaries.”

“Hyung, please let me—“

“This is the best part. Have you heard of Icarus? Seungmin loved tragedies. He took the story literally. He flew too close to the sun and then—”

“Minho hyung,” AI Seungmin finally stops him. “you are crying.”

Oh.

Minho touches his cheeks to find the trails of wetness running down his skin. His eyes are burning —tears sit hot and heavy, prickling his lashes. “Oh…” his voice tapers off. He blinks in an attempt to prevent the tears from spilling. “I’m crying…”

some content that didn't make it to the fic

but i can put them here

pretty much some quick dialogue notes i usually write down whenever i have something on my mind. these aren't develepod at all, but if i try to add a lot of details i forget the rest so...............

seungmin is silent like a sulky dog. “you think too hard, what is it, you’ll grow old” minho will put a finger between the dent in his brows
“it’s okay, you’ll always be older hyung.”
“brat.”
“seungminnie…” “come, hyung is taking you outside.”
“what?”
“what ‘what’ pup? didn’t you hear, we are going outside.”
“why?”
“my ass wants to go outside. come on.”

“come shout.”
“no hyung thats—“
“noone is here. and no one knows who you are.”
“we’ll get a ticket.”
“so? dont tell me you dont have any rebellious side in you anymore.”
“this is so stupid hyung.”
“that’s why it’s good. look.” minho shouts.
seubgmin doesnt.
minho shouts again.
seungmi̇n doesnt.
“coward. where is life in you? why are you leaving me alone?”
“minho hyung marry me!!!”
“what..?” “if this is a joke—“
“it’s not a joke.” “i’ve been thinking, like a lot abd a lot. and i needed a perfect moment.

“are you trying to die?” minho said out of nowhere. seungmin was working. he raised an eyebrow suspicously. minho was reading a book. “the protagonist is very like you seungmin. loyal to the core. thinks he can be anything. has high ambitions and leaves everything behind for the slightest chance thrown at his feet.” minho continued. “he tries to find a planet named shjdjd. because he saw his soulmate there in his dream.”
not a moment of silence passed before seungmin spoke. “are you trying to call me stupid hyung?”
“so you think that’s stupid?”
“i dont know the world and how soulmates work there but knowing you, you are calling me stupid.”
“but it’s a book and we are both sure he will find his soulmate there.”
“of course. thats why it’s a book.”
“would you go after a planet if you knew you might meet your soulmate there, seungminnie?”
“it’s stupid.”
“but you’d have done it.”
“i dont mind being foolishly in love if its you minho hyung”
minho reddened and got quiet
“always good to know i have that effect on you.”
“shut the fuck up, stupid pup”

minho got a cactus after seungmin left. the cactus sometimes hurt him when he accidentally touched it. he named it seungmin. he hated the changes and the stupid cactus didnt replace seungmin.
minho got himself a puppy plushie and named him seungmin. jisung said you cant keep naming random things and expect them to be real seungmin.
minho got himself a dildo and named him seungmin bc minho wasn’t going to let jisung get in between him and his fake seungmins.

Would it be so different if Seungmin was still here? He would be lying down on the bed, watching something on his phone when Minho comes back from work and plops his whole body down on him like a big and bold rock and opens his mouth to demand things. Entertain me Kim Seungmin. Seungmin would deli̇ver the entertainment —first by pointing out he is heavy and uncomfortable. But Kim Seungmin was always full of contradictions, he wouldn’t let go of Minho when he was heavy and uncomfortable, he would just cling onto him tighter. Would press his forehead on his shoulder and caress the hip he is holding. Would open his palms to keep Minho’s hand in his own, then would bring it to his lips, but their position proves to be inconvenient. He would do it anyways, Seungmin was stubborn. He would keep Minho entertained by mimicking those mundane everyday facts as if he were reciting them straight off a webpage. A single strand of spaghetti is called a spaghetto. In twenty years, half of the water on earth will evaporate and we will no longer live on ships. The core of a baseball is made of cork or rubber, surrounded by layers of yarn and rubber-coated faux cowhide or horsehide. One more, the last one. Kim Seungmin is always the best. And then, when Minho was relaxed, heart no longer bearing exhaustion and annoyances and grudges of the day he would ask,